The lighter side of bowling.. bowling gags.. bowling funnies.. bowling jokes

Courtesy of Dingwall BC, Ross-shire, Scotland

GONE HUNTING...
Two bowling friends decide to go hunting for the weekend, whilst out in the woods one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?".
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

LOVE IS BLIND!!...
Two bowlers were enjoying their after game drink in the pavilion and just chewing the cud when one asks "What's your favourite joke, George?"

George replies " It has to be the one about the blind skunk"

"The blind skunk? Go on then tell me". His friend says

George says " ... Fell in love with a fart."

TILTING...
A family took their frail, elderly father who just loved a game of bowls to a nursing home and left him, hoping he would be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathed him, fed him a tasty breakfast, and sat him in a chair at a window overlooking the lovely flower garden. He seemed okay, but after a while he slowly started to tilt sideways in his chair.

Two nurses immediately rushed up to catch him and straighten him up. Again he seemed okay, but after a while he slowly started to tilt over to his other side.

The nurses rushed back and once more placed him back upright. This went on all morning.

Later, the family arrived to see how the old man was adjusting to his new home. "So Dad, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's really nice," he replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

NOT QUITE WHAT EXPECTED...
A young bowler was drinking in the local bar the other night and met a lady who was about 55 years old. They sat and drank and talked for while, and she eventually asked him if he'd ever had a 'sportsman's double', a mother and daughter threesome.
The young bowler replied No! to which the lady said: 'Well, tonight is your lucky night'.
The young bowler just couldn't believe his luck.
She took him back to her place, as they entered the house, she put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, are you still awake?'.

DO WHATEVER...
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
'Tie me up', she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went and had a game of bowls.

SHOWS YOUR AGE
Two old bowlers having a drink and a chat at the bar after their bowling game.
"You certainly played well today. How does it really feel to be 84 years old?"

"Just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth and I've just wet myself".

KITTY AND JACK
My husband took up bowling
and he bragged upon the phone
about some dame called Kitty
whom he couldn't leave alone

He played with Kitty
he stayed with Kitty
he picked her up without a hitch

He missed Kitty
he kissed Kitty
he even layed beside her in the ditch

So I took up bowling
to win my hubby back
and found that what he could do with Kitty,
I could do with Jack

with thanks to Lynn Delabertouche

TOM
Tom moves to a small village and soon join's the local bowls club.
All goes well and Tom soon makes many friends apart from Glenda, the village gossip.
Soon there is a rumour being spread by Glenda that Tom is an alcoholic and that she has seen his car parked outside the village pub on several occasions, and this shows he must be inside, boozing and up to no good.
Tom soon get's to hear the rumour but to everyones surprise he does not confront Glenda.
A few nights later Tom parks his car outside Glenda's house, locks it and leaves it there all night.

BRUVVERS
This is a story about two bowling brothers Tom and Bill Pillard.
One day, Tom Pillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital.
As the doctors were preparing his wife, Tom's idiot brother Bill arrived as well.
Tom entered the delivery room and during the proceedings he fainted.
When Tom woke up he was in a bed with a doctor standing above him.
"Mr Pillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious, your wife requested that Bill name the children"
"What! My brother to name the children. Tell me Doc what names did he choose"
"He named your daughter Denise"
Hmmm! That's not too bad thought Tom. "What did he name my son?"
"He named your son Denephew."

A NOTICE OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP

ADVICE
" If your Skip wants an opinion, he'll give it to you ".

TRYING
If at first you don't succeed, Try one of the following:-.
(1) Blame your Bowls
(2) Blame someone else
(3) Seek coaching.

SWOPS
I got a new set of bowls for the wife last week!
Best deal I've made in years.

TO WIN
"It matters not whether you Win or Lose........
what matters is whether I Win or Lose"

FRIENDSHIP
Old Bob was missing Joe, his bowling buddy of over 50 years. He had passed to greens anew just last year, and Bob couldn't help but wonder how he was getting along.
So later that day whilst talking with a friend it was suggested that he seek the help of a medium, who agreed to try and make contact with Joe. So the next evening, after the usual formalities contact was made, and this is how it went.
"Hi Bob", said Joe.
"Whats it like up there?", asked Bob
"Great food, Nice people, Lovely weather, and we get to bowl as much as we like", replied Joe.
"That's good news!", said Bob
"No!" said Joe," The good news is your skipping FRIDAY'S TRIPLES !!!!!"

SHARE YOUR BOWLING GAGS...

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