The lighter side of bowling.. bowling gags.. bowling funnies.. bowling jokes

QUESTION:What do you do with someone who can't draw, can't roll the jack, can't set the mat, can't keep score and won't listen?
ANSWER: Make them skip.

QUESTION:How do you spell skip?
ANSWER:.....G....O....D

LEAD: "How short is my bowl?"
SKIP: "You ought to know, your closer to it !!!"

If you have a referee in football, an umpire in cricket. What do you have in Bowls?............ GOLDFISH!!!

SKIP TO LEAD: " Good bowl,... you just need a bit more grass and a bit more weight."

SKIP TO THIRD: "You need to change your hand, and put on a foot!"

THIRD TO SKIP: "Which is the danger bowl?"
SKIP: "The one your holding"

I rang up my local bowling club, and I asked.."Is that the local bowling club?"
and the reply came.. "It depends where you're calling from."

The Hastings police arrested two old bowlers leaving their club yesterday,
one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
.......So they charged one and let the other one off.

GYMNASTICS

DON'T LET THE TEAM DOWN.
The lads had arranged to have a practice game before the big match,
Sunday morning was chosen, and they all arrived on time except Gordon.
When he finally arrived, the others all asked;"What kept you?"
"It was a toss-up as to whether I went to church or joined you blokes bowling", Gordon replied.
"That shouldn't have taken long", said the skip.
"Well it did, I had to toss 13 times".

CLOTHES DO NOT MAKETH THE MAN
Two old bowlers were talking over their pints of beer in the clubhouse.
"You know Jack, yesterday I was reading in the paper that the world has too many people. We're running out of space."
"So?"
"Well its true. When I went home last night, I found a man in our wardrobe."

MARTHA
Tom had always played bowls every Sunday after going to Church with Martha for the last 20 years. However one Sunday the Vicar notices Tom missing from the congregation and Martha looking quite distressed.
The Vicar approaches Martha and asks what is troubling her.
"It's Tom" she replied sobbing "he's dead"
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that" exclaimed the vicar." Did he say anything before he died? What were his last words?"
"Put that gun down" she replied.

BIRTHDAY
Thank you for returning your membership application. Just one question said the Secretary.
What is your date of birth?
July 22nd
What year?
Every year!

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